today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
