I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
