Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
