this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
