i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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