At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
