i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
