i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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