my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
