I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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