is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
