Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
