win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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