If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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