Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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