yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
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sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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