What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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