It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
