You're my little dorito
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
