Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
