The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize