My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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