i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
