Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
