It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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