got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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