No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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