dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
