Jerry, you need to find god
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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