i permit you to call me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
