all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
