im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
