you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
