At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
