...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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