WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
