OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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