Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
