My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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