I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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