question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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