fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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