it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was born a porn star she said
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
