apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
