She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
