I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
