last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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