It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
