I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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