Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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