Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i will never coherently bang her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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