I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize