I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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