Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm passing your future prison.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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