I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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