i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
