he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
