I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
