5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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