too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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