By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
