Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Randomize
