dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
